batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
