I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
