Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
