i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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