you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
