its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
