im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
