what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
