If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
