The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
