so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
