it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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