Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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