im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
