i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
