Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
