You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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