Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
