He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
