1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
