what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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