so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
