I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
