God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
