You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
