Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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