The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
