Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
