You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
