yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
did i just pee glitter
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
