CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
