No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
