Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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