Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
