i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
