my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Even my vagina gasped.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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