If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
