where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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