when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
