My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
