just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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