its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
