i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
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