I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Holy shit dude........stairs
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
