You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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