This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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