My friends, they love my intelligence
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
