I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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