nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
