Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
