is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I did not marry a roomba.
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