So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
