I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
