I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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