One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Even my vagina gasped.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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